Thursday, 24 June 2010

The off-side rule according to girls

Yesterday, when England were playing football and tumbleweed was blowing through the deserted office, I had the offside rule explained to me by a girl, and here’s how it went:

Imagine you are in Primark, queuing in single file. The girl in front of you doesn’t have her purse and, to your dismay you realise you don’t have yours either. A solution is that your friend towards the back of the queue is offering to throw her purse to you. You can’t queue jump until the purse has been thrown to you, but once the purse has been thrown you can quickly dodge the lass in front then confront the girl on the desk.

And, it seems, when you take condiment bottles out of the equation – the favoured bloke’s way of explaining the off-side rule – I can understand it better!

What’s most amazing about all this, is that this is yet another blog about football – anyone would think I liked this sport or something!

Anyway, I seem to have lost my writing mojo recently – perhaps it’s the World Cup consuming my brain, or perhaps I am just not feeling very inspired. I seem to have writer’s block.

And unfortunately, the only cure I know for this is to write naked with an unlit cigarette in your mouth – something I was taught by my writing tutor at university. I’ve tried it often and it really does work – although perhaps not on the packed London bus that I am travelling on this morning.

So instead, I will leave you with perhaps my finest moment during this World Cup so far…

There I was, sitting in the pub for the first match against USA surrounded by enthusiastic, emotional boys. Halfway through I turned and asked the guy next to me if the goalies were Dutch as they were wearing orange…

Ho-hum!

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