Thursday 17 May 2018

5 Deaf Girly Life Hacks for Deaf Awareness Week

Deafness throws many things at me but one of the most noticable things is the ability to make me feel ALL the emotions possible in the space of about a minute.

Happy, Sad, Frustrated, Angry, Embarrassed, Shy, Empowered, Upset, Hysterical, Exhausted, Inspired, Creative

But how do I deal with them all? Aside from medicating with copious amounts of chocolate?

Here are my deaf life hacks:

1. Streamline your shopping 
I am not a massive fan of trying to interact in shops. There was the time I replied no to the 'Would you like a bag' question four times only to discover the shop assistant had been asking me to 'Enter my pin'. It was not a fun experience.

So now, when I go shopping, I use contactless, I take my own bags, and I use the self-service checkouts whenever possible. For things like shoes, where you have to try on things while looking at your feet, often with a hovering shop assistant, I buy them online.

2. Streamline your correspondence
I never, ever, ever, ever answer my phone. FACT. Every single place I am registered at - from banking to healthcare to education to work - has my email address. Also, I have voicemail so if it really is important - like the time I won a competition and they rang to let me know - they can tell me there. 

And did you know, that you can text voicemail files to other people so they can listen. Something I do when on the rare occasion I actually get one. FJM is an excellent secretary! *beams

3. Streamline your life admin
I am a bit of a tech geek, but it's mainly because technology makes my life so much easier as a deaf person. I have all the various table booking apps for restaurants, not just in London but wherever I am in the world. I have Uber for taxis. 

I have online booking set up for GP surgery, my bank manager has me on his email contact list, my hairdresser - well haha, actually I once tried to call him using the NGT Lite typetalk app and he hung up. He doesn't really do alternative technology. And so FJM calls him for me! But gradually, over the years, fewer and fewer things need me to use the phone, or hear. It's awesome. And the NGT Lite typetalk app - it really is very useful. If you haven't tried it already, do.

4. Streamline your social life
No, I don't mean cancel your plans and cut people out of your life. But consider what really makes you happy. I spent a lot of my twenties in clubs not hearing anyone and having a largely terrible time. There were amazing nights out in among those moments, but a lot of the time I found it really tough. Until I sat down and worked out what made those nights amazing and started to focus on that. For me, that's smaller groups, quieter restaurants and bars, one-to-one dinners, captioned theatre or movies. 

Also, I accepted that being deaf is bloody tiring. Proper lie-down-on-the-floor tiring. And so I started to edit the amount of socialising I did in order to make time to get my energy levels back up. And there's nowt wrong with that. I learnt to let go of FOMO and focussed on things that made me happy, rather than the things I thought I should be doing.

5. Streamline your sound
Earlier this week, I tweeted about the fact that I can hear next door's Nutribullet but I can't hear a fire engine that is about to run me over. So many of you came back with 'I knowwwww....' and your own tales of what makes your hearing random or unique. 

One of the best things I've learnt to do is say, 'I am having a quiet day' and taking my hearing aids out. Sometimes it's nice to slip back into that 2D world where everything is just muted and well, quiet. Other days, I whack on my hearing aids and crank up the volume and go out there and explore my 3D world in all its glory. 

And then, there's the different settings on my aids - the sound recover for cats meowing in low voices, the T-loop for focussed sound on one thing without background noise, the music setting with sound recover off in order to safeguard the pitch of the instruments I can hear. Of course, I will never hear sirens or birds singing but it's my world. And I love it. But for me, the empowering thing is choosing when I have each world. 

What life hacks have you discovered to make your deaf life easier?


Wednesday 16 May 2018

Deaf Girly and education

It's Day Three of Deaf Awareness week. Gosh that's going fast isn't it?

I couldn't talk about all things deafness without covering education - but I warn you that this isn't the most positive subject for me. It's not something I find it easy to write about in my usual jovial manner. However, it turns out it's rather topical at the moment because apparently one third of councils in England are cutting a total of £4 million from their budgets for deaf children’s education.

That's £4,000,000

You can read more about what the NDCS have to say about this here but I have to say this genuinely terrifies me.

I can chart my hearing getting worse solely through how difficult I began to find school. In nursery before anyone knew I was deaf, I was always being told off for not knowing the words to the songs, because at that age I had not yet learnt to lipread, and the only way you learnt the songs was by hearing what the teacher was singing. But compared to now, my hearing probably wasn't that bad.

The primary years...

At primary school, I was always in trouble for not listening. Except I honestly thought I was listening. I honestly didn't know that you were meant to hear everything. I didn't really know any different.

From the age of seven I played the violin. As I progressed up the higher registers, I genuinely didn't realise you were meant to be able to hear it still. I thought it was guess work.

At seven years old, I remember that I could still take notes from a TV programme... something one of my teachers was very fond of making us do. But by 10, I was struggling with this. And at that same time, my rents got a TV at home and noticed me struggling to follow that, too. And then I was told I was deaf.

I remember getting these massive NHS hearing aids. I was at a private school at the time and so there was no additional support. And actually, even if there had have been, I am not sure I would have allowed it to be given. I was pretty cross about being told I was deaf. It was my world as I had always known it. And so my hearing aids sat in my school bag and I continued to muddle through.

Deafness is an invisible disability. For my teachers, they soon forgot that I was deaf and went back to teaching me how they always had. Deaf children in mainstream schools must not be forgotten.

Once I knew I was deaf, things I'd always struggled with suddenly had an explanation. French listening for example - I discovered that the hard part wasn't meant to be the listening. Dictation it turned out wasn't a creative writing exercise... and sport... wow, there was a whistle I was meant to hear!

The secondary years...

Once I went to a local secondary school, assistance was offered. I had a council lady come in and 'statement' me. I was horrid to her. But on reflection, I honestly don't think she was a very nice person either. But she did fight to get me support and I had a radio aid for lessons, which gave me zero clarity and massive headache.

Hearing aids back then didn't give me anything like what my current ones give me today. My world became louder and more uncomfortable. I got no more clarity of speech and no 3D hearing. Unsurprisingly, I rarely wore them.

Getting deafer...

During the summer of my GCSEs, my teachers, my rents and I all noticed that my hearing had taken a bit of a nose dive. I noticed because remarkably, one of the ways I used to revise, from year 7 to 9, was by recording all my notes on cassette tape and listening to them as I went to sleep at night. It was a brilliant revision plan and I was mostly in the top 5 for all subjects.

In Year 10, this plan began to fail. I got 3 out of 23 for a physics test and was so upset by this I cried until I threw up in the science lap sink - I was not used to failing. But not only was I not hearing my own revision notes on tape, I was no longer hearing in class.

School for me began to feel like a free fall of insecurity. I stopped knowing what was going on. I stopped being 'clever' and started to struggle. Worse still, I also started to get very short sighted and in the weeks it took me to notice this, I had no way of seeing the board or lipreading either!

Gosh, school was fun.

Getting the support I needed...

After my GCSEs, which were OK but not brilliant results, my rents pushed hard to get me more support from the local authorities and along came my wonderful note taker. She was a retired secretary and she basically ended up with a stroppy tired teenager and a LOT of A-levels as my school insisted that you took four.

She was amazing. She took wonderful notes. She kept me in the loop when I fell asleep and tried to get me through that first intensive term of Year 12. But I was struggling.

In the end, it was decided, because helpfully I was a year ahead of myself at school and only 15 when I started A-levels (I did warn you I was a super geek), that instead of doing four A-levels in two years that I would do three A-levels in two and one extra A-level in a year. And so that is what I did.

No time would be lost and I would still go to uni at the right age so I could hastily pursue my dream career. That was all I wanted to do. Head to London and write.

But really, my A-levels were not about learning stuff, they were about me learning how to teach myself stuff. I would sit in the lessons struggling to hear and then go home and have to read and learn all the notes my note taker took.

But without the class discussion or context to back it up.

It was hideous.

...but doing badly anyway

My results at the end of the first two years were neatly alphabetical:


I think I actually stopped breathing when I opened my envelope. Devastation didn't really cover it.

And then in my third year, I retook the D and sat another and turned them into CCCE... turns out the E for RE was as good as it was ever going to get.

School made me feel like the biggest failure. And I had support. I had a note taker and permission to fall asleep in class - something I regularly did.

Why support for deaf children is important

I do not even want to imagine what it would have been like without any support. Or if I had gone deafer at a younger age. I cannot imagine what it will be like for future generations of children who do not get the support they need - whatever that support is.

As I write this today, I am doing a job I love in a big global company. I have ticked some pretty big career boxes, accomplished some things I am incredibly proud of and fought plenty of deaf battles along the way.

Deaf children are not stupid. Deaf children - whatever level of deafness they have from the very mild to the profound - deserve the same opportunities as their hearing peers in education. They deserve access to the same resources, the same standard of teaching and the funding to ensure they have the technology to support them in their studies. No deaf child should be allowed to fall through the gap. No deaf child should have to sit in a classroom with no idea what is going on, feeling a lump in their throat as they realise they are lost. I used to regularly feel like this and when I watched The Silent Child with the final school scenes of complete isolation in a school environment, my heart broke.

Support however you can...

I understand that cuts need to be made and pots of money are not unlimited but the idea that my education could have been even more challenging...the idea that without the support I had, I would not be doing this job that I love, makes me feel physically sick. What's more, according to this Guardian report, there are only 45,000 deaf children in the UK. Why is it not possible to provide support for them?

So this Deaf Awareness Week, look out for articles relating to cuts to deaf children's education, get involved in the discussion, find out how you can help fight for their futures. I'm going to.

Happy Wednesday peeps


Tuesday 15 May 2018

Deaf Girly's deafness dos and don'ts

It's the second day of Deaf Awareness Week and today I'm making it all about me. Here are the 10 dos and don'ts about my deafness. The things that will make me happy, sad and mad!!

  1. DO remember that deafness doesn't define me
    It's part of who I am but it's not all I want to be remembered or known for... It's a fine balance between understanding my needs and assuming those are my only needs. It's hard to get it right. Even I don't get it right all of the time. However, that said, I'm pretty sure that 80% of my Tweets are food related and not deafness related. I don't make my life all about my deafness - EXCEPT DURING DEAF AWARENESS WEEK - and don't expect anyone else to either.
  2. DON'T give me sympathy
    Believe me, being deaf isn't the worst thing to have happened to me. In some ways, it's one of the best things. So no head tilt, sad sigh or hand holding necessary. Unless I've just got off a compulsory phone call with the HSBC credit card fraud squad, in which case bring all of the above... and a large bottle of gin.
  3. DO speak clearly and ensure I can read your lips
    That means things like ensuring you don't have your back to the light - otherwise all I can see is a fuzz of you surrounded by a halo. Great if I was painting you as a religious idol, but not great if you want me to actually follow what you're saying.
  4. DON'T say "It doesn't matter" if I don't hear you the first time 
    Actually don't say "It doesn't matter" even after the 50th time. It always matters. When I am struggling with something, I ask people to spell it, to give me the synonym. I never tell them it doesn't matter. Because it always does.
  5. DO ask questionsSeriously, ask away. Ask me about my deafness. Ask me about the life hacks I have. Ask me what snacks I ate before midday - although maybe don't ask me how many snacks I ate before midday. Oh OK, it was three Milkyway bars and a Twix... but in my defense, I had a small breakfast.
  6. DON'T shout
    I cannot stress this one enough. Ever listened to heavy metal? My Pa used to like a band called Napalm Death - and their lyrics were once likened to someone throwing up blood. When you yell, it distorts the sound. It doesn't make it easier for me to hear. And who wants to sound like they are throwing up blood, eh?
  7. DO remember what you've learnt about making things easier for a deaf person
    You know when you go home and your ma gets all your favourite food in? Or you hit the road with your bestie and she's made a playlist of all your favourite songs? When you remember the things that make it easier for me to hear in the world, that's the warm and fuzzy feeling I get. Things like going out for dinner and your friend having your back when the specials are recounted at top speed by a heavily accented waiter and your friend simply says, 'Aaah you love beetroot and goats cheese - that's the starter for you!' while ignoring the lobster because 'Shellfish are friends not food,' instead of recounting the specials in front of the waiter without giving them any context and freaking them out.
  8. DON'T assume because you know about my deafness, you understand all deafness
    You really don't. Some things will be applicable to other people and some things won't. I've said it many, many times, there really is no-one-size-fits-all for deafness.Sorry. We don't make this easy for you. But then, it's not exactly easy for us either.
  9. DO get involved
    There are amazing charities that support deaf people in all areas of their lives and you don't need to be deaf to support them. You could sponsor, foster or volunteer for Hearing Dogs, run races to support Action on Hearing Loss, sign petitions to get better access for deaf people to things like cinema, and find out more about what incredible charities such as Sign Health do. All these charities and more have a wealth of information that will help you understand a little bit more about what sort of support deaf people need. Why not learn a bit more about BSL and how it works as a language?
  10. DON'T confine deaf awareness to one week of the year
    It's not a novelty. It's a reality. For 466 million people worldwide... according to the World Health Organisation. That's a lot eh? Let's keep the conversations, ideas, innovation, acceptance, and changes happening 24 hours a day and 365 days of the year. 
Happy Deaf Awareness Week peeps


Monday 14 May 2018

Deaf Girly's Deaf Awareness Week

This week I am celebrating Deaf Awareness Week 4,500 miles away from London in a country so hot that I had to take out my hearing aids yesterday as I could feel the heat of the casing behind my ears. It's 44 degrees centigrade, people!

Anyway, Deaf Awareness Week is a brilliant time to find out new things about hearing loss and deafness, and I truly believe that there's something new for even people who having a hearing loss to learn.

That's the thing about deafness. No one size fits all. It's not like being short sighted, where you can put on a pair of glasses - prescription permitting - and it's all perfect again. It's not like a sickness we can all relate too, or a hip that aches in winter. All those things are easy to imagine or at least explain.

Deafness for me is so different to that. In my experience of meeting people with hearing loss, it seems that we are all unique. I can hear next door's Nutribullet, but I cannot hear someone in the same room as me unless I am about to read their lips. Fab Friend makes phone calls like a boss, but when she takes out her hearing aids, all hell could break loose and she would most likely sleep through it all.

My ma can hear birds singing, but ask her to watch a comedy show with canned laughter and she goes nuts as the laughter is all she can hear.

It's like we all get our own unique ways of hearing things, which is kinda cool if you think about it. But the only way we can get hearing people to understand is if we tell them.

However, it's not always easy to find the right words.

I remember my eureka moment in finding the words to explain my deafness. I was on a school trip to Lourdes in the south of France and we were attending a mass said in about five different languages. I was stood there in a sea of other students holding my candle when I realised that I couldn't tell my own language apart from the French, Spanish, German and Italian words. I genuinely had no idea which was my language. And that's how I started to explain my deafness.

'Without lipreading, I have no clarity of speech.'

Indeed, you could be speaking Guarani and I would have no clue unless I could see your face.

And then I did my post graduate course, which was four times more intensive that my degree in terms of lectures and listening. Around that same time, First Ever Friend came to visit and she came out with me and my friends from uni. Her first language was English but then she moved to Switzerland at eight and forgot her English. By the end of our evening, she was absolutely exhausted.
'It's so tiring listening in English' she told me.

And there was my second sentence:

'Listening is exhausting.'

As a deaf person I would rather do a 20km bike ride that listen for 20 minutes. It's the kind of exhaustion that makes you want to lie down on the floor and cry. And there have been real occasions when I have done just that.

Having these sentences are incredibly valuable to me. But I'm willing to bet that Fab Friend or my Ma wouldn't put these sentences at the top of their 'explaining their deafness' lists.

And that brings to me what I would like to celebrate on the first day of Deaf Awareness Week 2018. Our differences. Our differences not to hearing people but among each other. We are all brilliantly different and each have our own way of 'hearing' the world around us.

I don't hear sirens but I know one is coming because FJM usually starts shouting. That to me is still hearing. Just in a different way.

Yes, there are lots of things you can do that are beneficial to ALL many deaf people and yes, it's important that everyone is aware of that. But if you know a deaf person, take the time to find out a bit more about their own unique deafness. Find out the things you can do that can make their life easier. And learn something new this Deaf Awareness Week.

Happy Monday peeps.


DeafGirly: How I feel about being deaf at work

It's been a whole year since I posted a blog on here. Life's been happening. And I guess I am no longer 'deaf in the city and ha...