Wednesday, 23 April 2008

...and while we're on the subject

That club and I seem to be building quite a history – something of a love/hate relationship – not one-sided at all
So there I was a few weeks earlier full to the brim with rum.
Now, rum i have just recently discovered makes me very very happy.
I have never encountered this with an alcoholic drink before...
Gin makes me morose and feel middle aged but I love it.
Red wine makes me talk utter crap at dinner parties and burn the pudding.
White wine makes me feel car sick even if I am not in a car.
Rosé reminds me of France.
Port makes me eat thousands of calories of cheese.
Whiskey makes me feel like I have stolen from my father's drinks cabinet
But RUM...
Rum sends me to a happy shiny place, where people look delicious... even rough ugly blokes, and no club queue
is too long, no cab fare too high and no hearing can be done.
Sometimes I think that when I drink rum my eyeballs actually spin around like that indecisive emoticon on the MSN messenger...
Focussing is not a possibility, which means lip reading is out of the question.

So there I was hip shaking with my usual vigour and randomly dropping my glass every few seconds when a guy approached me with a glass of champagne (Crshtal, according to a worse for wear friend). He was cute and kept shouting in my ear (not cute).
I'm deaf, I yelled at him over Kelly Rowland's latest tune, and dropped my glass of Cryshtal...
He replied something in my ear...
Hands free from the recently-dropped Cryshtal, I grabbed his face and put it opposite mine so I could lip read him... and he kissed me!
It wasn't a come-on you randy git, I wanted to scream, but I was otherwise occupied!

So obviously not in any fit state to learn from my mistakes I moved on and found myself cornered by a rather gorgeous guy, who too had a penchant for chatting up my ear...
I'm hard of hearing, I tried this time... to which he replied something to my ear.
So I grabbed his face...
and well, you know the rest...

The rest of the evening passed in a hazy blur... I kissed them both and have no intention of ever seeing them again.
I'm thinking of getting a T-shirt printed for night's out entitled
TALK TO THE FACE, THE EARS AIN'T LISTENING

1 comment:

Suzie said...

Fantastic! I can see it unravelling in front of my eyes! Haven't laughed so much for ages