Monday, 28 April 2008

I'm green... honest

Apart from saving the environment and blah blah blah, there’s another good thing that’s going to come out of the increasingly common trend of not giving carrier bags to shoppers. I won’t look like a total idiot!

Here’s what usually happens…
I go into a shop, queue up, buy my stuff and just as I look down to fish my change out of my wallet, the shop assistant whispers so only people who can hear, hear, ‘Would you like a bag?’
Well, that’s what I think happens, and I can usually tell if it has because when I look up I am faced by them staring at me intently waiting for my apparently imminent response.
So usually flail about hopelessly acting as though they have asked me to find the square root of 67,987 and mumble yes, hope for the best. Now, back in the old days before chip ’n’ pin and would you like a storecard/cashback/extra gift for just £1 this used to work.
But today there’s a whole new host of questions coming my way and it can be a struggle to juggle them and guess their order.
Which brings me to my recent visit to Top Shop. There I was trying to look cool as sometimes I think I am bit old for this place, paying for my T-shirt when I predicted that the tweenie, traintracked, size -0 shop assistant asked me if I wanted a store card. So I said no. She repeated the question, which I didn’t hear and again I said no.
Very slowly, she raised her head to look at me, bug-eyed with malnourished over-straightened hair and repeated herself as if talking to a confused elderly lady.
‘E-n-t-e-r y-o-u-r p-i-n. ’

So now I don’t say anything… I pay by cash, I carry a lifetime’s supply of canvas bags (which makes me feel quite ecologically smug) and I never ever, ever answer questions.

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