Last week, I reached new heights in the world of uncool – I got thrown out of a very posh, rather exclusive London nightclub less than 20 seconds after entering. I wish I could blame it on too much champagne – alas we were limited to Cava. I can’t even blame it on my enthusiasm to get into the place – as it’s really rather rubbish. No, once again, it was my pesky ears – things that are no longer something to drip with diamonds, but instead something to get me into a whole lot of trouble and strife.
I’m aurally challenged you see, deaf as a door post and blonde with it – a lethal combination at the best of times and when my brain’s involved, there’s always five star entertainment on offer.
So anyway, to set the scene, there we were, aware of the two-way mirror checking us out to see if we were good looking enough to get in – luckily we are of course all totally fabulous, so no worries there.
The problem is, when I try and look cool, it normally involves staring meanly into space – so allows no room for lipreading.
So when housemate marched passed the bouncers, I naturally followed, flicking my hair in a yes-I-am-a-super-cool-person-who-doesn't-need-to-queue sort of way.
And that's when it happened, I got collared (I finally understand why they call it this). The bouncer grabbed me by the collar of my M&S limited collection coat and hauled me back out again.
BOOM went my coolness
Snigger snigger, went the queue.
So anyway, it turned out that housemate had spun some wonderful yarn about our friends being in there and had been permitted entry to check... alone!
So this is kind of an apology to the rest of the girls, who never even got to see the lobby – it wasn't that special honest!
Still, I suppose it saved us the £1,000 minimum spend and instead we went home, watch Sex & The City and I fell asleep on the sofa, with my contact lenses and hearing aids in!
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