Exciting news! I won a competition!
My prize is, rather wonderfully, a jar of spreadable biscuit.
‘Eh?’ I hear you say. ‘Spreadable biscuit?’
I am so intrigued by this product that I simply can’t wait to try it! Apparently it tastes like those little spiced ginger biscuits you get free with your coffee when you’re on holiday in Europe. I like them so much that I always try to steal everyone else’s, too. Those biscuits are called Speculoos and this spreadable version has the wonderful name of Pâté de Speculoos Pasta. Can anyone tell me why the word Pasta is there? Does it taste nice on pasta? Can’t imagine it would… but then I like baked beans on lettuce and marmite and salad cream on toast, so I am willing to try anything once!
The Writer and I are eagerly anticipating its arrival, as we’re both a bit in wonder at what it will taste like. We’re also anxious about whether it will make it to the Big Smoke as it’s going via Ma and Pa’s house in the country and if they get wind of what it is, it might be spread on their toast instead of mine!
It’s lovely winning competitions though. I once entered one at Harrods when I was about 7 and forgot all about it. The prize was a giant doll and one day the doorbell range and there was the postman with a massive box addressed to me! Remember that fab feeling of getting post when you were younger? I got it that day and to be honest, I still get it now even though I am practically a grown-up and I mostly get bills.
Housemate-From-Penthouse-Flat is doing an experiment at the moment. She’s got two children and one is only a few months old, so to wile away the midnight-breastfeeding hours, she reads rather a lot of trashy mags (real life trash not porn I should point out). Those familiar with these mags will know they carry wonderful headlines like, ‘A donkey chewed my big toe off in the bath’ and ‘Six kids by different fathers, but still a virgin’ etc etc…
Anyway, at the back of these magazines there are always lots of competitions and HFPF has decided to enter every single one for a month, to see if she wins anything. Unfortunately with mags of that calibre, the only things she’s likely to win are things like – a tattoo of your baby’s name on your right breast, a lifetime supply of microwavable chips and a pound-shop trolley dash.
I don’t hold out much hope for her but fingers crossed. I entered six different competitions by email last year to win a trip to New York and do you know what I got? A load of spam to my email address asking me if I’d like a bigger penis!
Hmmmmm this was not quite the prize I had in mind!