Wednesday 18 August 2010

There was an old lady…

Today, I cannot stop yawning!

Sat here on the bus beside a little old lady, I'm worried I'm going to be snoring in minute.

Anyway, do you know this week I have apologised to a spider a total of five times?

Regular readers will know I have something of a wild front garden outside my house. Rainy weather sees me battling snails on the front gate and slugs on the pathway, and just when I'd got used to them, I was leaving my house on Monday morning and walked smack bang into the biggest spider’s web ever, stretched across my pathway. Seriously, this spider must be Tarzan in his spare time to bridge the gap over the crazy paving!

And what happened to the spider? Well I presume he was the blob on my face that I threw off while doing the manic dance that people only do when confronted with bugs.

The question now however is, is this spider so dumb that every day and every night he builds a new web across the pathway? Or is he so clever that this is him bearing a grudge for pillaging his palatial mansion the first time around?

Whatever it is, every morning and every night, without fail, he's there. And he's not little either! I believe the human term for legs like his are thunder thighs, and he has eight of them.

The question is, what am I going to do about him? At the moment I de-string one half of his web from the wisteria, which sends the other half flying into the bush with him left in the tangled web he's woven, and then I apologise to him politely and walk through.

I've tried commando crawling under the web, but that's not conducive to turning up at work looking like I actually give a damn. And short of exiting my flat via the window, there's really not much else I can do.

Anyone got any tips for spider relocation that doesn't include sending them to spider heaven? Should I get this old lady next to me to swallow a fly?

Suggestions on a postcard please!

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