Friday 24 August 2012

Thankful for my hearing

Today is Thankful Friday and it's pretty easy to work out what I'm going to be thankful for – getting most of what hearing I had left back…

After the shock of waking up on Wednesday and realising that the loudness of the Pavlov's Dog gig had brought on something a bit more long-lasting than just a few hours of tinny, muted hearing, I've never been more thankful than I am right now to have what seems like most of it back.

On Wednesday, I couldn't hear my television, I could barely hear the words my colleagues were saying and even using my lipreading skills I was struggling to work out what was going on.

It threw me in to quite a spin. It made me realise I've been taking my hearing for granted, focusing on my deafness instead. Now, I see what I do have in a completely new and appreciative light.

I have some hearing – this is wonderful. Sure, if a hearing person woke up and had what I had, they'd probably run around screaming in panic, but I like what I have. It's what I've always known give or take a dip or two in my teens.

This means I have mixed feelings about the fact I have an audiology appointment next week. After a four-year break from the whole thing, I recently decided that I should see what hearing aids are out there and if they can help me hear any better. 

It's not really about wanting to hear more, it's about wanting to get through meetings without feeling crashingly tired from having to rely on lipreading and it's actually a little bit about wanting people to know I can't hear rather than assuming I am being rude. After all, I'm proud of my deafness – I don't mind who knows I can't hear and I'd much rather they knew than thought I was simply ignoring them.

The thing is though, on Wednesday morning when I woke up extra deaf, the only thing I could compare it to was how I have felt in the past on taking my hearing aids out at night after a complete day of wearing them.

The last time I did this, I wept at the silence that met me… even though deep down I knew it was just because hearing aids had amplified everything more.

I guess I'm also proud of how well I do without hearing aids. Proud that I get by and the idea of relying on something that might break, get dropped down the toilet or lost (THIS IS ME WE ARE TALKING ABOUT AFTER ALL), scares the crap out of me. 

As I sit here typing this on the bus, I'm struggling to work out how to finish this blog – there doesn't seem to be a natural end to it, it's like a circle, which is quite appropriate really, because whether I get hearing aids, wear hearing aids and like hearing aids is also a bit of a circular journey with my existing hearing at the beginning and the end.

I feel incredibly lucky that I am relatively happy with the hearing that I have. Sure, I miss being able to hear things like violins, flutes, speech and alarms, but on a plus, this also means I cannot hear hungry cats and babies that are whining in the middle of the night and my neighbour when she goes into one of her high-pitched yelling moments…

If, four years on from the last time, there are better aids for me, then I shall definitely try them. Shall I definitely try them?

And there we go, I'm right back where I started.

Which isn't really a bad place to be.

Happy weekend peeps.



Emily Dame said...

Thanks for such an insightful blog entry. Since I began to lose my hearing in my 40s, I have always felt an extreme sense of grabbing hold of whatever technology was out there for me to take advantage of. I've been trying to work out if you wear aids or not so this clarified a few things for me. In the last 8 months my hearing has deteriorated so severely that I have just had a cochlear implant on my right side. Activation will be on 17 September and I'm looking forward to an improvement in what I've been struggling with for the last number of months. My opinion is that I'm going with the constantly improving technology which will make my life considerably easier as a person with severe hearing loss. Best of luck to you as you make important decisions!

Anonymous said...

What ever you choose to hear I wish you best of luck. Grab it. I have not long been wearing my Phonak Nathos SP W hearing aids. But I am really impressed with what i could hear. I will nevewr hand them back, I have missed so much and don't regret changing audiologists to get them. Here is day 1 in link below. I also have shared some other days too after. a

And I am sure I will be sharing more.

I know I will need a tweak when i go back, and thats to reduce background noise further as i cannot tell the difference. But thats all as i write this.

Please feel free to read my blog posts and ask any questions there or via email.

Hearing Aid said...

As Hearing Loss is a common problem and can be find in any age group that's why this is very necessary that this should be affordable and i am glad to know that these are now affordable and cheap.

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