This morning I woke up at 6am bright eyed with a spring in my step happy that after today, it’s the weekend and I can relax.
Today I am thankful for many things. Firstly, that this is the third consecutively warm and sunny day we have had – which is something of a 2008 record I think. This means that I can finally wear my white jeans without worrying that some stupid white van driver is going to speed through a puddle and cover me in London drainwater.
Which brings me on to the second thing I am thankful for – and that is, that I am not the woman who was five metres ahead of me on the pavement this morning. Actually I may have to add some sub-thanks to this – I am also thankful I am not her because she had the most bizarre hair and also because her trousers were so tight she was at risk of squeezing her vital organs up through her chest cavity and out of her mouth.
But cattiness aside (I obviously have more similarities with the cat from Shrek than just my eyes) I am mostly thankful that I am not her because if I was, I would be unconscious on the pavement right now with a very sore head.
There I was walking to my office down quite a narrow street, marvelling at how this lady had apparently got dressed in the dark and not passed any mirrors on her way out the door when I heard a low roar. Then I saw her duck like a mad woman as if sniper fire was coming our way and after this I realised that there may have been a beep.
And then, *whoosh, a white van tore past us, his large black, sticky-outy wing mirror missing her mad frizzy hair with millimetres to spare.
She was obviously not deaf, her reactions were amazingly quick, which was just as well as the white van man was not for slowing down.
Now, thinking about this, if that had been me, this is what would have happened: I’d have been happily striding down the street feeling clean and shiny in my white jeans, heard a roar, all too late distinguished a beep, turned around and then
a wing mirror would have smacked me in the face. Now, I was smacked in the face last weekend by a foot and it was incredibly painful (but kind of funny, too – you had to be there I guess)… so imagine a smack from a van!
By this point I would probably be on the floor, nose resembling my Pa’s after his adventure in Clogland at Big Bro’s wedding and white jeans ruined.
Happily this little scenario did not happen and I am now safely ensconced in my office but, when I go out for lunch today, I think I am going to pick a pedestrianised route… just in case.
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