I don't get the Tube to work in the morning.
In fact, there are very few things I hate more (except perhaps semolina and rice pudding) than fighting to squeeze myself into the tiny gap that remains in the tube carriage only to have someone else do that at the next station, and the next, until people are somehow contorting themselves into gaps that a dormouse would struggle to get its whiskers into.
So yes, I hate the Tube in the morning. And the evening. And generally most of the time.
This means that I get the bus. A big red shiny bus, which is normally a lovely way to travel to work. I sit on the top deck. Watch subtitled downloads on iPlayer. Read the news. Check twitter and enjoy the view out of the window. And, at no point in the journey does anyone attempt to squeeze in the gap between me and the window.
This is not the Tube.
So this morning I left for my usual journey and was greeted by chaos. The entire contents of three local secondary schools worth of chaos. Buses were terminating left, right and centre and tipping people off at the stop I normally get on. Children with just 100 metres to walk to their school (I recognised the uniform) were panicking about how they were going to continue their onward journey.
*stares at their fully-functioning feet*
And so was I as my work isn't really within walking distance.
I tried to make out what one of the bus drivers was shouting hysterically but couldn't. And when I asked someone next to me what was going on, I was met by a shrug of the shoulders.
Even the hearing people seemed to have no clue.
So giving up all hope of a bus, I set off on foot to the next bit I could get a bus from.
And there, all hell was breaking lose. Police cars were zooming by and traffic was at a standstill.
My usual fail-safe, what's-going-on, back-up plan, Twitter, was telling me nothing.
Normally it's marvellous. On the few occasions I have been on a tube train that's stopped and had a mobile signal, I've usually managed to find someone on Twitter live-tweeting the announcements. Bit weird I know but insanely useful for me.
But today there was nothing.
At my next bus stop, the entire population of central London was waiting get on. All dazed and confused that their clockwork commute wasn't going to plan. All fighting to get on the singular bus leaving once every two hours.
And it's here I'm writing from this morning. So far someone has attempted to fit between me and the window. Someone has also attempted to sit on me.
Civilized bus rules have gone out the window.
Tomorrow, I'm walking.