Monday, 1 August 2011

Having lipreading collisions

Wow! Wasnt the weather marvelous this weekend? Penfold and her husband Dangermouse came to stay and we had a fabulous time.

I do love sun – even if I am under a hat and in Factor 30 suncream, theres nothing like the warmth of the rays on my skin, especially my feet. I love having warm feet.

And on the subject of feet – this weekend my feet got a bit of a hammering, as I spent the whole time walking into things while lipreading Penfold and Dangermouse instead of looking where I was going.

Firstly, I walked into a road sign while on the way to the tube and stubbed my toes. It was eye-wateringly painful. Then, on the way home, I did the same thing, on the same sign, to the other foot. This left me yelping with pain and hobbling the remainder of the way home.

The in-between bit of this day out though was very fun, as we went to Ealing Jazz Festival and soaked up the sun and a three-litre jug of Pimms…

*hic

The jazz was indeed marvelous – what I could hear of it – and the food and drink accompaniment made the whole occasion a lovely lazy day in the sun.

Then, on Sunday, I was a woman on a mission.

Penfold had given me the task of replenishing her work wardrobe. Rather less specifically, she had asked me to find her a shirt that went to a pencil skirt.

I found her this – plus another three shirts, and four pairs of trousers and a jacket to go with it.

I provided her with a capsule wardrobe that Gok Wan would be proud of

But in one store, while lipreading Penfold as we browsed the rails, I came a cropper with a particularly sharp-edged display rail, which took a chunk of skin out of my foot and turned the leftover skin a rather fascinating shade of blue in places.

Once again, I was hopping around in pain, this time with sore toes, sore top of foot and a bruised ego to boot.

*sniff

But being deaf and walking into things is pretty much a way of life. Its something many of us have done. Indeed, I have a collision CV of a couple of lampposts, a low concrete wall –this one actually dented my shin and hurt so much, as I hit it at speed while running, that I almost threw up, and Ive even walked into quite a few people.

The latter is by far the worst collision you can have, as unlike a lamppost, humans are normally quite annoyed when you walk into them for no apparent reason other than youre deaf.

And then yesterday, another human got their own back on me. She was in an electric wheelchair and had apparently said Excuse me to me, but I didnt hear. So giving up on the polite tactic, she simply rammed her chair in the back of my legs. It hurt. I have a bruise. I kind of wanted to remind her that while she had a visible disability, I had an invisible one, but H&M changing rooms is not really the place to start getting mad about stuff.

And do you know what, why should I get mad? She didnt know I was deaf. She probably thought I was rude. So the next time I walk into someone while not looking where Im going, I hope theyll give me the benefit of the doubt and think to themselves, I wonder if that girl just nose-butted my shoulder because she was lipreading instead of looking where she was going…’

And would you look at that

A pig just flew past my office window.

7 comments:

FabFriend said...

Ah you always make me laugh DG - can't wait to see you next week!! xx

Deborah said...

I know days exactly like these! Someone at the grocery store got angry and rammed her shopping cart into the back of me because I was "ignoring her." When I explained I was deaf and apologized for being in her way, that wasn't the end of it. She yelled for the manager, saying there was a "lost deaf woman" and immediately assured me that "I will be okay; they will find my companion really soon."

Xpressive Handz said...

L O L !!!!!!!!!!!

Deesse said...

LMAO! Sorry DG, maybe you should consider wearing some protective gear? LOL! It's not easy at all when lip-reading and walking at the same time - my friends have rescued me quite a few times, even from a potential collision with with a moving car! Eeek!

The last line - hilarious! indeed...if only! :-D

D x

OodlesofCharm said...

Just found your blog, it is hilarious and I relate! I'm a cyclist and many times other cyclists suddenly ride up beside me in a blind rage, screaming because I didn't hear their damn bell warning me to move aside so they can pass.

It is of constant amusement to me how people will assume that I'm an asshole before they'll assume I didn't hear them.

J. said...

haha, this made me giggle! very recently found this blog- keep up the writing- its great!
J

Anonymous said...

I got pushed into a tre at the garden centre because i wasin a lady's way and ahe couldn't reach the plant ahe wanted! i was non to pleased and suggested that excuse me was a more polite solution. she snarled and said she had asked me to move twice! It was then i realised that i was deaafer than i thought! Hearing clinic here i come again!