Friday, 23 September 2011

My tough deaf week

Today is Thankful Friday. It’s the Friday of what has been quite an emotionally challenging week. And I’ve got by with a little help from my friends – namely Penfold, London Aunt and of course the wonderful NDCS audiologist, Vicki.

And that is what I am thankful for – that when I need help, it is there.

Miss K often says I don’t ask for help enough… and she’s right. I’m not good at asking for help, and truth be told, I don’t think I need it that often, but support, now that’s a different matter.

Penfold’s response to the emotional email she got about me and my hearing was to simply say, ‘I can come up on Friday night.’

Amazing huh?

I was so bowled over by this, I almost tried to talk her out of it. And then I thought how much I’d like to see her, chat to her about stuff and just catch up, that I said yes. And it felt good.

Pushing away help is easy. The word no is a whole letter shorter than the word yes. ‘No’ leaves very little room for negotiation – very little room for things to grow.

So from now on, I’m going to say yes more. I’m also going to say ‘Help!’ when I really need it.

Without Vicki this week, and Penfold, and London Aunt who found laughter behind my tears of frustration last night, I’d be entering the weekend sad. Despondent at the lack of solutions for how I feel about me, where I’m going, who I am and whether cochlear implants could have any impact on that at all.

Instead, I feel empowered by the knowledge Vicki gave me, excited about seeing Penfold and very, very grateful to have London Aunt in my life.

And finally there’s my Rents – lovely Pa who met me for a restorative lunch on Wednesday and my fab Ma.

Ma went on a course yesterday, and while there, they were given a piece of writing by Emily Perl Kingsley called Welcome to Holland.

She emailed it to me this morning and I jokingly replied ‘Luckily you like Holland so ending up with me wasn't the end of the world!’

To which she replied, ‘Holland is the best destination in the world.'

And she’s right. Going deaf has meant I’ve landed in a place that perhaps I didn’t envisage being in. But it’s here, it’s mine, and I do love it.

And that is what I’m thankful for.

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