Last night on my way home from work I got something in my eye so took off my glasses to try and get it out. And what a shock I got – I really am quite blind!
You see, I rarely spend a minute of the day without my contact lenses in or glasses on – I often sleep in the latter and very occasionally drunkenly pass out in the former.
I went into hospital once for an endoscopy and begged the consultant to let me keep my glasses on – I explained that without them I feel twice as deaf and he was very understanding. And, it meant that when I came round from the sedative speaking utter rubbish, I could at least see.
Sometimes I wonder what on earth I was doing when God was handing out the senses. It seemed I queued perfectly well for the smell, touch and taste senses and then maybe I got distracted by the ‘Have Impeccable And Expensive Taste In Handbags’ queue and forgot to get the sight and hearing until the last minute – when all the good ones were taken.
Although hearing aids benefit lots of people, they’re not like glasses – they don’t make things perfect. Rather annoyingly they don’t even help me a little bit, they just make me fall over because everything is loud. So in a way I guess my glasses are my hearing aids.
Put them on and I can lipread
Take them off… lips? What lips? I can’t even see faces!
At the moment my glasses are ancient clear-rimmed things that have survived a serious car accident and being packed up in tent… but they are not pink.
I have always wanted pink hearing aids... so I’m off to Specsavers at lunch to get some!