Phew, they say moving house is one of the most stressful things you can do, but they forgot to say it's also the most physical!
I swear to you, it no longer matters that my gym membership has expired – I'm getting a full-body workout just changing addresses.
Take last night for example, I was at my new place as the kitchen floor was being laid, and I must have done the equivalent of a Body Pump class.
You see, the council are coming to take away some of the junk that doing up a house produces and so I booked them for today. But I didn't think about how I was going to get it from my upstairs flat downstairs… alone!
First, I tackled the simple things...
A kitchen cupboard and a bed frame, and then I remembered that next on my list was a double mattress!
And so I began!
I heaved and hoed it out of my flat into the communal hall and pushed it towards the stairs. As it gathered momentum it pinged around and pinned me into a corner.
Wondering if I'd bitten off more than I could chew, I sent an SOS text out to GBman, as he lives just up the road, and waited, held hostage by a mattress, but alas, he was busy, and so the battle began.
I tugged, the mattress resisted, before finally giving in and pinging me in a random direction – thank goodness for banister rails.
Eventually, with a groan and a bang it threw itself over the banister onto the bikes below in an enviable wrestling move, making a noise that will surely alienate me from my neighbours forever!
Then all I had to do was clamber over it and drag it up the garden path.
All while hoping the six-week surgical recovery rate advice just isn't true.
But on reflection, it's not the physical side of the move that's the most stressful, it's the aural!
There are so many things that need phone calls and my day is fast becoming a car crash of cringesome phone calls where I say pardon and they say, well that's just the point, I have no clue what they say.
Luckily, I have some fabulous friends, SB-boy and Lovely Freelancer who help me out when the going gets tough, but if I asked them to do all of it, I'd have to start paying them a salary.
I understand why, in an age where fraud is rife, many companies won't communicate by email, but there has to be a wizard invention for hard of hearing people who don't use text phones. Or a complete way around the whole phone call business.
Out of office working hours maybe? So I could visit in person...
Some sort of instant messenger with a special log in so it could only be me?
I'm off to have a think, and ask Lovely Freelancer to make a few calls!