Last night, I got woken up no less than five times, by a noise!!!!!
This is not normal!
I am usually able to sleep through most things, including, rather embarrassingly, lectures, dinner parties, hen nights and evenings at Bungalow 8.
Anyway, being woken up really shocked me, so much so that my heart was beating like a big bass drum as I lay awake in the dark, listening for the noise again.
But each time, it proved to be a singular outburst, so I was unable to decipher just what it was.
I think, however, that it was my noisy neighbours, as their living room is below mine and they're prone to all night parties where the smell of martini wafts through my letterbox and at 3am they all spill out into the street to moon at taxis.
Last night wasn't one of them, but they were definitely not getting their beauty sleep at 3, 4 and 5am. Which, on reflection is a shame as they could definitely do with it.
It's not that I hate my neighbours, that's too strong a word, it's just that when they wake me up constantly during the night, it makes me want to get up and stamp up and down on their ceiling, turn the washing machine onto a high spin and leave the cold tap running so it emits a shrill screaming sound just to get revenge.
Now, revenge is not a pretty thing, so last night I did nothing. I lay in bed awake and waited for my heartbeat to subside while reassuring myself that the noise was outside not inside my flat.
Aren't I a nice person?
And tonight, what am I doing? Well, I'm leaving the tap running so it emits a high pitched scream all night, putting a load of washing in just before bed and hoping that I sonambulate throughout the night with big thudding steps.
Sometimes, just sometimes, I allow myself the chance to daydream about all the things on my deaf wishlist coming true... It's a bit li...
Regular readers and my followers on Twitter will know that recently I've been talking a lot about the lack of subtitled showings availab...