Deafinitely Girly is on a 24-hour strike due to poor pay and working conditions.
Luckily she is not a train so this will not stuff up your daily commute to work, nor is she in the public sector, so no one will die as a result of this strike.
This is not a hunger strike either – Deafinitely Girly cannot live without food, particularly not chocolate raisins. Anyone wishing to sustain Deafinitely Girly during this strike should send chocolate raisins to the usual address.
Please refer all press enquiries regarding this strike to email@example.com and check back tomorrow for your usual daily update.